Nothing To Fear The Second Time Around
I want to talk about something that I personally went through, and believe that a lot of other mothers probably go through it as well. It’s all about bonding with your second child.
Like most first time moms, I was head over heels with excitement when I found out I was pregnant with my son. I was in my 20’s then and would sing to my belly, talk to him, journal poetry at every milestone of my pregnancy and would try newborn diapers on my stuffed teddy bear (this bear has been my favorite stuffed toy since I was 9 years old and I gave him to both my kids so don’t judge:)). Yes I was so ready to be a mom. And then the day came that I finally held him and to this moment it still makes me smile. Seeing his squishy face and velvety skin, I was in love. My son and I bonded from inception and to this day, he is 14 now, we are still extremely close.
After my son, I knew I wanted more kids, 3 in total to be precise. But life had other immediate plans for me, and it would be 11 years before I heard that I was being blessed with another child. I still smile when I think of how I felt that day. I remember my first thought was let this be a girl pleeeeeeease God. And so it was. I was expecting a baby girl. I sang to her, talked to her and would write poetry for her with my every thought. Again I was in love. Until, it came closer to my delivery date. I started having thoughts of how am I going to do this, seeing that I am so much older? Suppose she doesn’t like me? What if I am not as active a mom as I was with Kai? Afterall, my body hurts in different places now. I was petrified. Then, that all went away when I held her, she was so perfect. Her skin was flawless, her little dimpled cheek was so cute and that cry that calmed when they put her in my arms, melted my heart. I was in love again. And although I know she couldn’t focus, when I sang the song I wrote for her, she opened her eyes and looked at me. Kaydance put a new rhythm in my heart. Then, after I took her home I couldn’t stop admiring her and singing to her. I sang and talked so much, I realized it was becoming a little robotic and not full of that love I felt before. I got nervous again and scared that she would think I didn’t love her or that she wouldn’t love me. I even thought I was suffering from Postpartum Depression. With family support and my mother listening to my every fear this feeling passed very quickly, and a spark ignited in me. This happened at about 12 days after her birth. I was giving her a bath and singing, I paused, looked into her eyes and she looked straight at me and smiled. Tears rolled down my cheek full of sheer joy, that was love; we loved each other and in that moment I knew we would be alright. To this day she still sings that line that made her smile and now her silly antics crack me up, her warm hugs and I love you’s, put a pep back in my mommy step. Our bond is now stronger than I could imagine.
What I am getting at is that when I had all those confusing thoughts before delivery, which I believe most women have, it caused me to try to overcompensate after Kaydance was born, because of the idea, that she somehow knew that I was thinking I might not love her, and needed me to prove that I did. It was all an internal dialogue of provocation that I personally asked of myself. This emotional rollercoaster was so fast that I didn’t see my OB for a diagnosis, so Postpartum Depression cannot be listed as the reason. All I know is that everything leveled out that evening during bathtime. I must also say I had family around as well which probably helped a lot.
So for all you second time moms out there, I hope my story helps relieve a little stress if you are thinking how I thought. Trust me you will love all of your children more intensely, than there are stars in the sky and like the stars you will love them all differently. Go be a Rockstar Mom!
NB. I am not certified to diagnose Postpartum Depression.The situation outlined above is unique to me, and I had a great support system. If however, you do think that you might be suffering from Postpartum Depression please, reach out to your health care provider and ask for help, it is a very real thing and help is definitely available.
Like most first time moms, I was head over heels with excitement when I found out I was pregnant with my son. I was in my 20’s then and would sing to my belly, talk to him, journal poetry at every milestone of my pregnancy and would try newborn diapers on my stuffed teddy bear (this bear has been my favorite stuffed toy since I was 9 years old and I gave him to both my kids so don’t judge:)). Yes I was so ready to be a mom. And then the day came that I finally held him and to this moment it still makes me smile. Seeing his squishy face and velvety skin, I was in love. My son and I bonded from inception and to this day, he is 14 now, we are still extremely close.
After my son, I knew I wanted more kids, 3 in total to be precise. But life had other immediate plans for me, and it would be 11 years before I heard that I was being blessed with another child. I still smile when I think of how I felt that day. I remember my first thought was let this be a girl pleeeeeeease God. And so it was. I was expecting a baby girl. I sang to her, talked to her and would write poetry for her with my every thought. Again I was in love. Until, it came closer to my delivery date. I started having thoughts of how am I going to do this, seeing that I am so much older? Suppose she doesn’t like me? What if I am not as active a mom as I was with Kai? Afterall, my body hurts in different places now. I was petrified. Then, that all went away when I held her, she was so perfect. Her skin was flawless, her little dimpled cheek was so cute and that cry that calmed when they put her in my arms, melted my heart. I was in love again. And although I know she couldn’t focus, when I sang the song I wrote for her, she opened her eyes and looked at me. Kaydance put a new rhythm in my heart. Then, after I took her home I couldn’t stop admiring her and singing to her. I sang and talked so much, I realized it was becoming a little robotic and not full of that love I felt before. I got nervous again and scared that she would think I didn’t love her or that she wouldn’t love me. I even thought I was suffering from Postpartum Depression. With family support and my mother listening to my every fear this feeling passed very quickly, and a spark ignited in me. This happened at about 12 days after her birth. I was giving her a bath and singing, I paused, looked into her eyes and she looked straight at me and smiled. Tears rolled down my cheek full of sheer joy, that was love; we loved each other and in that moment I knew we would be alright. To this day she still sings that line that made her smile and now her silly antics crack me up, her warm hugs and I love you’s, put a pep back in my mommy step. Our bond is now stronger than I could imagine.
What I am getting at is that when I had all those confusing thoughts before delivery, which I believe most women have, it caused me to try to overcompensate after Kaydance was born, because of the idea, that she somehow knew that I was thinking I might not love her, and needed me to prove that I did. It was all an internal dialogue of provocation that I personally asked of myself. This emotional rollercoaster was so fast that I didn’t see my OB for a diagnosis, so Postpartum Depression cannot be listed as the reason. All I know is that everything leveled out that evening during bathtime. I must also say I had family around as well which probably helped a lot.
So for all you second time moms out there, I hope my story helps relieve a little stress if you are thinking how I thought. Trust me you will love all of your children more intensely, than there are stars in the sky and like the stars you will love them all differently. Go be a Rockstar Mom!
NB. I am not certified to diagnose Postpartum Depression.The situation outlined above is unique to me, and I had a great support system. If however, you do think that you might be suffering from Postpartum Depression please, reach out to your health care provider and ask for help, it is a very real thing and help is definitely available.
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