JUDGE NOT THIS TANTRUM
**I am still a nanny but in a share situation where I bring my daughter with me, awesome right! So for any posts that contain my current charge I will call her P out of respect for her privacy and her parents.**
We have all heard of the age old right of passage called, the “Terrible Twos” and far too many of us know first hand, that although it’s description is correct the timing is not. As a mom for 13 years and a nanny for 10 years I can confirm that these transition episodes begin way before the age of 2. I can also truthfully state, that no matter how experienced you are, no matter how understanding and calm you are in your resolve, the Transition Episodes are no walk in the park. All this being said as a nanny I have dealt with many a tantrum. I have sat in the street, kneeled in stores, cradled kids in my arms as they scream and kick, all this while reassuring and breathing quite deep. Needless to say, some episodes last 2 mins others, 2 hours and where some come with crocodile tears others come with full on regurgitation. With all the episodes I breathed through, nothing prepared me for this. Let me paint you a picture.
It was 9:30 a.m and I was headed to the park with the girls, in our new stroller. The stroller looked awesome. When I put the girls in though I quickly realized that the back support was tilted inward, causing the girls to lean into each other, and they did not like that at all. So after I got them both calm, KD (my daughter) began to cry while rubbing her gums. Yes, she was teething with 4 molars. I gave her a minute, reassured her and then off we went to catch the Light Rail. I know, all seasoned moms are saying “Really! Teething molars, new stroller and a light rail, this is a recipe for disaster”, and you will get no argument from me about that. We then get to the rail and all was well until we got on. We only had 2 stops and KD decided to try to straighten up, no harm right? Wrong! In order to straighten up she needed to rest her hand somewhere, and that somewhere was next to her on a now sleeping P. Now, before I go on, she was doing no harm to P, as was evident because it did not wake her. KD's hand was resting in the stroller division , however, it could have gone south quickly so I decided to position KD myself. Not a good idea. From the moment she realized I was paying attention she started the moaning scream, then she added feet and a boneless back bend. This then led to quicker uncontrollable feet movements which definitely could wake P. So I decided to take KD out and let her stand next to me. By this time, you could imagine that I had caught the attention of the entire cart, to the point the stares made my neck heat up. But I stayed focused and calm until….
Now standing next to me, KD had a couple things within reach, a woman’s bag, the stroller and P’s head. One guess which one she went for, the woman’s bag, and this lady was not having it, she was no type of understanding, so I did the mom thing and diverted KD’s attention. Then it happened her gums. She started screaming and putting her hands in her mouth saying ‘Owie Owie’ and as the little tears fell my heart melted, and I proceeded to pick her up. I then realized the stroller would not remain locked (new stroller), so I only had one hand free and couldn’t possibly lift her with one arm. Her screams then became louder, her body now on the floor and the stares began to come with the inevitable loud sigh. My heart rate was up, and calm was replaced with beads of sweat. I needed help quick. I looked over to the guy standing next to me and said “Listen! hold this stroller for me please!” my tone was sharp and flustered and the desperate look in my mom in need eyes, probably was a little scary. But thankfully he responded politely and calmly and held the stroller while I picked my screaming child off the Light Rail floor.
This happily ended the screaming but the judgemental stares were now beaming, not only at me and KD but also my kind stranger. He then did something unexpected. He got my attention, looked me dead in the eye and said “Don’t worry, I have my foot holding the stroller, you deal with her (KD) and remember it will get better” all with a reassuring smile. Which made both me and KD smile and me, breathe a little easier. We got off the train and my transitioning child sweetly sang ‘bye bye’ with her angelic smile to our kind stranger.
As I experienced this now personally for the first time, it leaves me to say this, there is no right way to deal with a child’s episode nor is there a wrong way, because every episode consist of different elements to create your current perfect storm, and the sooner we all realize this, the more calm and empathetic we can be to our kids, ourselves and as bystanders, as we all try to keep it together.
We have all heard of the age old right of passage called, the “Terrible Twos” and far too many of us know first hand, that although it’s description is correct the timing is not. As a mom for 13 years and a nanny for 10 years I can confirm that these transition episodes begin way before the age of 2. I can also truthfully state, that no matter how experienced you are, no matter how understanding and calm you are in your resolve, the Transition Episodes are no walk in the park. All this being said as a nanny I have dealt with many a tantrum. I have sat in the street, kneeled in stores, cradled kids in my arms as they scream and kick, all this while reassuring and breathing quite deep. Needless to say, some episodes last 2 mins others, 2 hours and where some come with crocodile tears others come with full on regurgitation. With all the episodes I breathed through, nothing prepared me for this. Let me paint you a picture.
It was 9:30 a.m and I was headed to the park with the girls, in our new stroller. The stroller looked awesome. When I put the girls in though I quickly realized that the back support was tilted inward, causing the girls to lean into each other, and they did not like that at all. So after I got them both calm, KD (my daughter) began to cry while rubbing her gums. Yes, she was teething with 4 molars. I gave her a minute, reassured her and then off we went to catch the Light Rail. I know, all seasoned moms are saying “Really! Teething molars, new stroller and a light rail, this is a recipe for disaster”, and you will get no argument from me about that. We then get to the rail and all was well until we got on. We only had 2 stops and KD decided to try to straighten up, no harm right? Wrong! In order to straighten up she needed to rest her hand somewhere, and that somewhere was next to her on a now sleeping P. Now, before I go on, she was doing no harm to P, as was evident because it did not wake her. KD's hand was resting in the stroller division , however, it could have gone south quickly so I decided to position KD myself. Not a good idea. From the moment she realized I was paying attention she started the moaning scream, then she added feet and a boneless back bend. This then led to quicker uncontrollable feet movements which definitely could wake P. So I decided to take KD out and let her stand next to me. By this time, you could imagine that I had caught the attention of the entire cart, to the point the stares made my neck heat up. But I stayed focused and calm until….
Now standing next to me, KD had a couple things within reach, a woman’s bag, the stroller and P’s head. One guess which one she went for, the woman’s bag, and this lady was not having it, she was no type of understanding, so I did the mom thing and diverted KD’s attention. Then it happened her gums. She started screaming and putting her hands in her mouth saying ‘Owie Owie’ and as the little tears fell my heart melted, and I proceeded to pick her up. I then realized the stroller would not remain locked (new stroller), so I only had one hand free and couldn’t possibly lift her with one arm. Her screams then became louder, her body now on the floor and the stares began to come with the inevitable loud sigh. My heart rate was up, and calm was replaced with beads of sweat. I needed help quick. I looked over to the guy standing next to me and said “Listen! hold this stroller for me please!” my tone was sharp and flustered and the desperate look in my mom in need eyes, probably was a little scary. But thankfully he responded politely and calmly and held the stroller while I picked my screaming child off the Light Rail floor.
This happily ended the screaming but the judgemental stares were now beaming, not only at me and KD but also my kind stranger. He then did something unexpected. He got my attention, looked me dead in the eye and said “Don’t worry, I have my foot holding the stroller, you deal with her (KD) and remember it will get better” all with a reassuring smile. Which made both me and KD smile and me, breathe a little easier. We got off the train and my transitioning child sweetly sang ‘bye bye’ with her angelic smile to our kind stranger.
As I experienced this now personally for the first time, it leaves me to say this, there is no right way to deal with a child’s episode nor is there a wrong way, because every episode consist of different elements to create your current perfect storm, and the sooner we all realize this, the more calm and empathetic we can be to our kids, ourselves and as bystanders, as we all try to keep it together.
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